Thursday, July 23, 2009

I have so many things to say. I hesitate to write them all down because this goes on the net and and I like to keep things private. I don't know. I wish I had something clever to say like they have on TV.....

I was reading some of my older posts and it is interesting to remember moments from what seems so long ago..... It amazes me that I have closed a few houses in the past year. Got my brother paid back which feels good. The market is so up and down that we have to keep the status quo, and get Summer through school.

I miss my Dad...... he could be a real son of a bitch but I loved him and I miss him. I miss my Mom too but the loss of my Dad is more recent I've learned to deal with not having Mom around....

I lost some weight last year. Around 50 pounds but now I am stuck around 335 345 or so. I can't get the motivation to increase my exercise and make my eating better. Everyday my life seems to get in the way.

I wish we could win the lottery, or go on Biggest Loser, or someone will sweep in and save me from this existence. But I'm a fool....I love my kids and my family but I wonder if I am absent too much. I feel like this all could be too much for me.......

Can you tell I've been off my prozac for a couple of days?

Feels good to write something down...... I worry about my brother. He's in a loveless marriage and is risking his freedom to keep the money flowing to pay for his wife and her habits.... To his credit he is also trying to pay for his step-daughter's education but I worry that is all for naught....

I don't know I'm pretty down right now. I'm going to go to bed.....